August 21, 2014


Love Me Harder - Ariana Grande ft. The Weekend

My new favourite song forever.

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Music Ariana Grande The Weekend

I talk about losing my mother and close friend to cancer, along with my grandma in the past few months. It’s been super tough, but my family and I need to be strong.

This is how I’ve been dealing with my grief…

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Grief Loss Cancer RIP Mother itscmaddox maddox madison Acute Myeloid Leukaemia Acute Myeloid Leukemia

August 18, 2014


The Simple Life

The best gift I ever received was my dog Cooper at the age of 13. My dad picked him out specially for me, surprising me with a little fox terrier puppy that fit in my cupped hands - he was so tiny.

The reason he is the greatest gift I have ever received is because he is a constant reminder that the world is good. Amongst all the bad things that happen, just sitting with him for 5 minutes reminds me of unconditional love. Sometimes it takes just simple life and love to calm me down.

He is still here, 12 years later, sitting next to me all snuggled up as if nothing else in the world matters but having me close by. This, my friends, is what life is really about.

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Blogged Personal Dog Fox Terrier Mr Nibbs Cooper

August 16, 2014


August 14, 2014


Remembrance

I don’t have any tattoos. That’s not to say I haven’t thought about getting one. In fact this post is just about that.

To say the last year has been rough for me is an understatement. I took off across the world, struggled to find myself in a city, was lost, found, dragged back, said goodbye to a best friend and sat next to my dying mother until her last breath. It’s been a lot.

Throughout all of this I have been thinking of ways to help me remember. I want to remember them. I want to remember my life before it all changed.

I have been thinking about getting a tattoo for a while now. I have three different ideas but only want one of them.

1. “Open up your heart and your mind to me” - It’s a Lady Gaga quote, I know. But that phrase and song resinate with me. It reminds me of a changing time in my life, reminds me of my life in New York, of Claudio, and of my Mum.

2. “While the heart beats, hope lingers” - Mum said it to me before she died. It was the entirety of her condition.

3. A traditional dream catcher. Mum was always a spiritual person, not necessarily religious. She loved dream catchers and would always have one hanging around the house. I feel as though my dreams are the only place I can visit her now.

Who knows, maybe I won’t get any. I just think it will help me with the healing process. I’m still not doing okay. I can still feel myself mourning, and it hurts every day with them gone. I miss them so much.

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August 13, 2014


I miss this city. I miss the crazy.

I miss this city. I miss the crazy.

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NYC New York Instagram Travel

"I’m sorry"

"Don’t be"

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August 12, 2014


I used to think that the worst thing in life was to be alone.

It’s not.

The worst thing in life is to end up with people who make you feel alone.

Robin Williams

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Robin Williams Quote RIP Wisdom

Protection

We all have secrets.

Often when you think about secrets you think of malicious, hurtful or even detrimental information being withheld from the world. But that’s not always the case. Intention is a close rule to follow.

Sometimes secrets are kept to protect yourself, some are to protect others. Today I learnt about a friend that has kept a secret from me. It has been a selfless act of the greatest kind that I cannot even begin to describe. To protect their integrity and dignity I won’t be revealing it.

I’m not as selfless. I could never. I don’t have the inner strength to put others ahead of myself to that extent. I admire people who can.

You can spend your life knowing someone and one tiny piece of information changes everything. They are so much greater in character than you could ever imagine.

Not all secrets are to hurt, but to protect from hurt. 

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Secrets Blogged Personal

August 9, 2014


I need to get my life back together.

I need to get my life back together.

(Source: instagram.com)

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mine selfie Harry potter glasses lgbt

July 31, 2014


When it rains, it pours.

I’m not great at dealing with things when I’m upset. I’m strong and cope incredibly well for so long, but when the storm settles the smallest things trigger me to be upset. Sometimes the whole world feels like it’s coming down on me.

Today wasn’t a bad day. But it wasn’t a good day either. I miss having the great days. The days that when you go to bed, you wake up the next day still smiling. It’s hard to have those days after everything that’s happened. I know they will come back. Eventually.

Right now when it’s good, it’s okay. When it’s bad, everything hurts. It’s hard to stay positive when what brought so much love and light into your life has been taken away.

I’ll work it out.

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