New Leaf. New Life.
My name is Jake, I'm an Australian, a marketing graduate, blogger, YouTuber, traveler and human. I'm just a boy, chasing his dreams. Follow me on the adventure.
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We all have secrets.
Often when you think about secrets you think of malicious, hurtful or even detrimental information being withheld from the world. But that’s not always the case. Intention is a close rule to follow.
Sometimes secrets are kept to protect yourself, some are to protect others. Today I learnt about a friend that has kept a secret from me. It has been a selfless act of the greatest kind that I cannot even begin to describe. To protect their integrity and dignity I won’t be revealing it.
I’m not as selfless. I could never. I don’t have the inner strength to put others ahead of myself to that extent. I admire people who can.
You can spend your life knowing someone and one tiny piece of information changes everything. They are so much greater in character than you could ever imagine.
Not all secrets are to hurt, but to protect from hurt.
I’m not great at dealing with things when I’m upset. I’m strong and cope incredibly well for so long, but when the storm settles the smallest things trigger me to be upset. Sometimes the whole world feels like it’s coming down on me.
Today wasn’t a bad day. But it wasn’t a good day either. I miss having the great days. The days that when you go to bed, you wake up the next day still smiling. It’s hard to have those days after everything that’s happened. I know they will come back. Eventually.
Right now when it’s good, it’s okay. When it’s bad, everything hurts. It’s hard to stay positive when what brought so much love and light into your life has been taken away.
I’ll work it out.
Moving your life on after losing someone close is not as straight forward as I once thought. I’m a logical person. I think about things in a logical way. I write everything down, devise a plan, and execute.
I find myself tripping up a lot. It’s hard to shake out the daily habits involving them. I can’t just quickly call to say how my day was. That’s gone forever.
It’s now changed from being all about them and the loss of their lives, and is now focused on me. I need to get myself together. They wouldn’t want me dragging behind. They would want me to rise above it all.
It’s a lot harder than I thought.