June 30, 2014

Ferras – Speak In Tongues – Ferras EP

"No more words, I wanna speak in tongues"

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June 29, 2014

Only a mother’s love.

I am a very lucky person. I was privileged enough to have such an incredible mother in my life for 24 years, and she will live on within me forever. I’m not going to be hateful, I’m not going to go all “fuck cancer” on the world. That’s not what I am here to do. My mother wasn’t a hateful person, and neither am I. It’s a tragedy that happened to someone who had a heart of gold and a strong reminder that life isn’t fair.

You know when you watch movies, or speak to people and they say “I held her hand until the end, I slept in the hospital all night”? I’m sorry, but no. That’s not reality. One thing they never tell you is that it’s absolutely horrible sitting in that hospital room. I’d be in there for 30 seconds before the thoughts of leaving entered my mind and consumed me. It was my own torture that I’d endure for my mother, because I love her so much.

The last words she spoke to me before leukaemia took away her consciousness were “I love you too”. I spent that night telling her how proud of her I am. How she has fought so hard. I told her that I never used to, but I now see so much of myself in her. I am blessed with my mother’s strength, determination, resilience, loving heart, sharp mind and obscure humour.

I am glad to say that when it happened, when she took her last breath, everyone was there. I was sitting next to her and we all knew straight away as the little colour left in her face faded.

Mum, Nicki, my mother… I love you. I am incredibly sad of your passing, but equally relieved. No more fighting. No more suffering. You’re at peace now.

I know that she will be with me always. I’ll carry her legacy, living my life to the fullest, with love and laughter, just as she would have wanted.

While the heart beats, hope lingers.


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June 28, 2014

June 21, 2014

In the clouds.

This morning I woke to more terrible news. I have changed my flights to get back to Australia ASAP. I won’t be able to attend Claudio’s funeral. I can’t believe I’m losing my mother and close friend to cancer, only days apart.

I love you Mum. Hang in there for a little longer until I get home. You’ll be in the clouds soon enough.

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June 20, 2014

Love Without Tragedy - Mother Mary - Rihanna.

"I’ll be a star, you keep directing me. Let’s make the best scene they’ve ever seen."

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We lost one of the best.

I can’t even begin to describe what it’s like to lose someone this close to you. It almost hurts so much that you feel nothing at all.

Claudio was diagnosed with skin cancer a month ago. It was unexpected, caught early and we all thought it would be a horrible, short-lived experience that would be in his past soon enough. This morning I woke up to the news that he had passed. I don’t know what happened. I don’t know what changed. I’m not going to ask.

Part of why I went to New York last week was to see him. I wanted to be by his side through this tough time. The last thing I did on Saturday when I last saw him in hospital was kiss him on the cheek and say “I love you”. That will never change.

To me, Claudio was more than a friend and roommate. He was my family. He was the person by my side when I moved to NYC and had a suitcase, no friends and no family. I will forever miss going out and waking up with him in my bed as we fell asleep together cuddling.

Claudio, you taught me so much about myself and the world. In hindsight, you completely changed my life. To most people, you were a fierce, sassy, loving and luminous person. To me, you were so much more.

You’ve made it Claudio, you’re in heaven now.


PS: I know that trip to Australia we were planning has now been permanently put on hold, but I’m sure you’re in a better place. You’ll always be with me.

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June 19, 2014

Travel Destination - Costa Rica

I suppose I should explain what I’m even doing here. I was just in NYC visiting friends and “family”, and I have a conference coming up in LA, so I thought that I’d just bolt on an extra country while I’m in the area. Simple, right?

Costa Rica is such a beautiful country full of amazing, laid back people. I think I’m in love with the Costa Rican men, seriously. Get me some latino lovin’!

This place is very different to any other tropical destination I’ve ever gone to. It seems much cleaner, a little less tainted by the tourists and almost jurassic. So far it’s been a real adventure, with white water rafting, hiking up a volcano, trekking through jungle to blue waterfalls, scaling big cliffs using a harness and ropes (rappelling), and off road driving. 

When you go off the track a little bit, that’s when you find the real Costa Rica.

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How can you afford to travel so much. Is just profits from YouTube?

1. I work a full time, university qualification job on an Australian wage, and I save as much as I can.

2. When I travel, I travel smart. I don’t always stay in the nicest places or do the coolest things, but I make the most of the areas I visit. My flights aren’t always at the best times (think 3am wake up calls), and I usually try and eat cheap local foods.

3. I stay with friends a lot.

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June 17, 2014

Today I spent my first full day in Costa Rica! We went zip-lining through the canopy, exploring the jungle, hiking Arenal Volcano and meeting the wildlife. You could say I’m turning into a real life Dora The Explorer.

Today I spent my first full day in Costa Rica! We went zip-lining through the canopy, exploring the jungle, hiking Arenal Volcano and meeting the wildlife. You could say I’m turning into a real life Dora The Explorer.

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Costa Rica Arenal Volcano Travel Australia Adelaide LGBT

June 16, 2014

Stick - Ingrid Michaelson

"There’s a part of you that stays with me, someone else gets to know"

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I’ve learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.

Maya Angelou

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